Unrequited Love, Realization, Letting Go
by LucheMunechika
Summary: Love is a wonderful thing. Whoever said that can have a chat with his Fire Dragon's Fist- Because love hurts like a bitch. And there is absolutely nothing he can do about it. [Gruvia, eventually Gratsu]
1. Unrequited Love Of A Dragon Slayer

Love is a wonderful thing.

Whoever said that can have a chat with his Fire Dragon's Fist-

Because love hurts like a bitch.

And there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

He does not exactly know when he started to have feelings for this person. When he does realize that he, Natsu Dragneel, the famous Salamander of Fairy Tail, is in love, not a crush, absolutely not a crush, but in love, with the famous Ice Mage Gray Fullbuster, also his rival, the first thing he said was:

"Fuck."

And indeed, he was fucked. How many sane people wake up in the middle of the night to realize you are in fact, in love with your rival? How does he know that he is in love? Mind you, he is not that stupid like most people believe he is. Oh no, he is smarter than they give credits for. For once, he is your rival. You don't go checking out his body when you are having a brawl with him. Your eyes should not be searching for him the moment you step into the guild every time you come. You should not feel happy every time he is near. Your mind should not be keeping you awake at night just because it thinks it is a good idea to have a slideshow of the freaking man every night. You should not be noticing the little things about him, the way he unconsciously stripped, the way he laughs, the way he smiles, when he is angry or when he is sad but try to hide it,...You should not feel that scared when he tried to use that spell. It was something that til this day, he still has nightmares. Zeref's hand through his chest or Acnologia's attacks feel nothing compare to the pain in his chest when he saw the person he loves about to do what he promised not to do long ago. He even cried, damn it.

In total conclusion, Natsu is utterly in love with Gray, and he falls too deep for him.

You might think he should confess, tell Gray how he feels and then has a happily ever after with him. How in the holiest fuck of fucks can he do that? Both of them have issues, in case you have not noticed. Gray pretty much thought he is cursed since everyone he loves die. His parents, his mentor Ur, the brother he grew up with hated his guts at one point, though they made up now that does not mean the wound itself has healed. And then Ultear. He has heard about her from Jellal and Meredy at some point, overhearing their conversation after the battle with Future Rogue. It did not take long for him to connect the dots. As for Natsu himself, he knows he has abandonment issue ever since Igneel's sudden disappearance. That one person, or dragon, who has always been with you, someone you love so dearly, suddenly disappeared, gone without a word and you were left behind. It has scared him, that loneliness he felt, the feeling of being utterly alone without anyone. He shuddered just thinking about it. Slowly, that has developed into depression and more. Somewhere in his mind, a tiny voice always told him that he was not enough, that's why Igneel left. At some point he did believe it, maybe he still does. He hates it. Hates that the voice was right.

So when he came to Fairy Tail and made a team of his own, Natsu made sure to have something to assure him that his beloved friends will not disappear on him. Keeping a watchful eye on them. Destroying everything and everyone that took them away from him. Lucy, Erza, Happy, Wendy, Charla, and Gray. He keeps them safe within his watch, it kept his anxiety at bay and shut that tiny little fucker of a voice. But alas, he cannot protect them forever. Boy did it hurt when they tried to kill themselves. The event with Jellal and the Etherion scared him shitless. Erza fucking Scarlet, his older sister figure, he almost lost her because she thought it was a good idea to save everyone by becoming one with that thing. And then there is Gray, Natsu only has two words for this: Ice Shell. Lucy is practically a trouble magnet (he loves her like a sister, he really does but damn, what a shitty luck the girl has) and Wendy got caused in between. You get the idea. How the fuck is his sanity still intact after that he has no idea. But probably it has never been whole at all. How can he love someone when he cannot love himself? And to add salt to the wound, he does not know how to express himself. Yes. he sucks.

So even when he loves Gray, he dare not to make a move. Because somewhere in his mind Natsu knew he is not worthy. He is not someone that can give Gray happiness when he himself is a mess. Gray needs someone that is strong enough for both of them. Strong enough to give Gray the love he deserves. Someone that can show Gray kisses and hugs and all the things that are affectionate, not punches and insults and all the things that hurt. Natsu is almost sure that he cannot give that, since he is more of a punching person than a hugging one. Hell, all of his protecting acts are all destruction acts. Ask Lucy, she knows best. Because Natsu is good with punching than hugging. He is destructive not affectionate and he has a reputation for that. So Natsu decided to step back, and watch him from afar. This feeling he has, is something that no one can find out. It will be his secret. A secret he will take to his grave. Even if he and Gray can never be together, then these fights they have, these battle they fought together, these missions,...all the time that he is able to be with him, even if it is just for a moment, is precious to him. Just this would be enough, he told himself. They can never be what he wanted them to be, so he will be happy. Happy for the man he loves when he has finally found someone for him. Someone that cares and loves him with all their heart. He has told himself that he would be happy.

Easier said than done.

Because one day, when Juvia, happily clutching onto Gray's strong arm and gleefully announced that she and Gray are officially a couple, Natsu could have sworn the world has stopped moving. Everything freezes, while the congratulation sounds from the other guild mates echoing and everyone is practically throwing a party by now, all he can hear is the sound of something in him breaking.

Whoever said that love is a wonderful thing can have a lovely chat with his Fire Dragon's Fist. Because it hurts. It feels like his heart got stabbed by Zeref, then became a punching bag for Acnologia, then got run over by Gildart's crash magic after getting electrocuted by Laxus's lightning and having a fight with Erza. He could feel all the dreadful feelings creeping up inside him. The sadness, the anger,...but overall is the overwhelming urge to cry. Cry because of how hurt it is. Because he feels so ashamed for feeling jealous. This is Gray's happiness. Nobody loves Gray as much as Juvia, even though she has a disturbing way to show it. He should have felt happy. He has told himself to be happy for Gray. But he could not. The urge to cry is because _why it could not be him?_ Feeling jealous that Juvia has everything he wished he could have when it was him that has given up. He has not even started anything. He has chosen to back down. But the feeling is literately crushing him inside, it takes every wills he has to keep a neutral face.

 _No, keep it together._ He told himself. _Don't ruin this. Don't ruin this for him._

With that chanting over and over in his head, it gave him the strength. So when the couple headed over to them, to where he was, he smiled like his heart is not breaking inside.

"Congratulation!"

They both look at him. Juvia has this weird look in her eyes. While Gray...he could not look at him. Because if he looks at Gray now, he would know. He refused tp let Gray know. Gray should be paying attention to his...lover and enjoy the party, not his rival. After a while, they thanked him and then left, joining the party. Lucy looked at him worriedly. She has always known. Woman intuition is a scary thing, he found out at one point. She did not make him take to her, as he himself does not know how to express. So she suggested him to do what she has done with her mother. Write a letter. He admitted writing out his feelings did help. Usually he would burn them, the letters that express his heart. But he still kept one. The first ever, the one that held most of his heart. He kept it hidden in his house. Once the letter is the proof of his love, and now he feels like it is something that should be burnt. Looking at the new couple, Natsu felt a small smile. At least they look happy. That is all he needs to know. If Gray is happy, it is enough for him. Turning back to Lucy and giving her some assuring, he made up his mind to go home. And so, the pink hair Salamander left quietly, slipped out when no one noticed. It was raining when he stepped out. Letting out a sigh, Natsu then headed home in the rain, the raindrops soaked him up.

Funny, rain should be cold.

So why do the drops on his cheeks feel so hot?


	2. Realization Of A Water Mage

Of all the people that she thought that could be her love rival, Natsu Dragneel is the last person she would expect to be.

Her Gray-sama. Even though she and Gray-sama have been an official thing for a while (though they keep it a secret), that does not stop from getting jealous over anyone that talks to him, less alone shows interest in her Gray-sama! Not because Natsu-san is a man, but because of the fact that it is _Natsu-san_ who is _in love_ with _Gray-sama_.

Is this what people call the attraction of polar opposite?

After all, Natsu-san is fire and Gray-sama is ice. They always fight. That is how they communicate. For Natsu-san to be in love with Gray-sama, she has to admit she did not see that coming. At first, she has reacted like how she would always react to all of her potential love rivals: Being intimidating and scaring the crap out of them. Gray-sama is hers. She would not let anyone take him away from her after she has fought for his love for so long. That was what she has thought when she found out. But then, she saw it. The look in Natsu-san's eyes when he looked at Gray-sama.

There was something in those eyes made her stop.

The eyes that tell more stories than the mouth ever could. She saw them, that one time. They stopped the jealousy she felt but also haunted her for many nights. There was just something about those eyes that bothered her. So she decided to pay attention to Natsu-san every time she saw him.

It was not a one-time thing. Every time Gray-sama is near, Natsu-san's eyes would lit up. When he turns away, those eyes soften. The way Natsu-san's hands linger longer than necessary on Gray-sama when they are fighting, how his eyes would always tell her how he truly feels when Gray-sama is near,...There is no way for her to be mistaken.

Natsu-san is truly in love with Gray-sama, just like Juvia is.

But the love Natsu-san has, it is not like hers, she realizes.

For someone who is usually so loud, Natsu-san loves so quietly. He does not express his love boldly like her. She expresses herself like a wave of Tsunami: strong, bold and over the top. Natsu-san, however, loves with the gestures. Those lingering touches whenever they fight each other, that soften gaze whenever Gray-sama is not looking,...The small little things that are hard to see and yet so clearly displayed. Natsu-san loves like a small fire on a winter day. Small flickering light, but it is gentle and warm.

For the longest time, she wonders why he has not made a move if he loves Gray-sama so much. Why has he not said anything? Is it because of her? She loves Gray-sama too, after all. Or it is because he knows? She is not sure why. But when you love, you should confess. What the point of being in love but not expressing yourself?

The day Gray-sama and her finally announced their relationship in the guild, Juvia has her answers when she heard Natsu-san asked Gray-sama. For a moment Juvia would have thought Natsu-san would confess right there and then. That he would take Gray-sama away from her in this very moment. She felt anxiety, waiting for his response. And he once again surprised her.

"Are you happy?" - She heard him ask suddenly. It seemed that Gray-sama was taken by the sudden question, for it took him a moment to answer.

"...I am."

There was a short silence between them. And then-

Natsu-san smiled.

A smile was so sincere, so bright, like the fact that she has everything he has ever wanted did not, does not hurt him. It stunned her. The smile that is so beautiful, so sincere, so bright that no one would have thought beneath it is a heart breaking in two.

"Congratulation."

Just like that, the Fire Dragon Slayer gave them his blessing before disappeared in the crowd. She looked after that pink hair in the crowd, feeling a mixture of emotions.

Has he...given up?

For her?

His actions confused her to no end.

It was the last time she has seen Natsu-san. It has been three weeks since the Salamander took jobs after jobs so that he has excused to be away and not had to pretend he is okay. Former Love Rival, Erza-san and Gray-sama are worried. They barely see him anymore. Gray-sama is so worried that there is barely time for the two of them. Not that she can blame him. It also gave her time to think about everything. She even went to Gajeel for advice. The Iron Dragon Slayer is like a brother to her after all. Their conversation has her thinking.

"You ask me about your relationship?"

"Yes."

"So...be me or play nice?"

"Gajeel does not play nice. Juvia trusts you. So Juvia wants an honest truth."

"Okay. Just don't cry. You are like a sister to me and if you tell anyone I say that I will murder you. All I can say about your relationship is that I am very surprised the Ice Bastard even agreed to be in a relationship with you after all the craps you pulled."

"What do you mean?"

"Sit back, and think Juvia. What have been you doing ever since Phantom Lord attacked Fairy Tail?"

She was surprised by the tone Gajeel used. It was gentle...probably the most gentle she has ever seen him given to anyone else but his mate, Levy. Juvia did what he told her. She thought about it. What she has been doing after that event was-

...

...

Oh.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I thought...it was..."

"It was not love, Juvia. It was obsession. You obsessed with Gray because he spared you, showed you kindness when no one else did. You obsessed with the fact he saved you. And you wanted to have him. You fucking follow him anywhere he goes. You steal his clothes. You have dolls with his shapes, there probably are more which I don't know about but honestly, I don't want to know. You get mad with literately anyone that is so much as breathing near him. You literately forced him to choose you. Without any regarding of his feelings. When he tells you no you convince yourself that he was playing "hard to get" and kept on pursuing him. His no literately means no and you discarded that, many times. "

"..."

"..."

The silence between them was heavy as what he said sunk into her. Her blue eyes looked intensely at her shaking hands. The last part hit her more than she has thought. Without regarding of Gray-sama's feeling. Has she truly been that selfish? She has never noticed before-

No. She realized. She has always noticed, always known. Deep down from her very consciousness, she has always known that she is a selfish person. Love is something that is foreign to her, after all. She is water, she is rain. Her power has brought her misery. She desperately yearned for love. For acceptance. She has...she has wanted to feel okay. To love and to be loved. Gray-sama came in and saved her like a prince. And she has thought he was the one for her. She has wanted her savior to be her prince. She needs that. The love and care and acceptance that he has. She wanted that. She strove for it. She has changed herself many times after all. To be worthy in his eyes. To be accepted by him. To be chosen as his. But...has she been so blinded by her own want and need that she has forgotten about his?

Natsu-san...

Realization hit her so hard that it was almost suffocating.

"Juvia?"

Now she understands. The looks she has seen, why she has hesitated when she saw them. Because it was a look of someone that loves so sincerely.

 _"Are you happy?"_

Those words and the action from that time became clear as well.

 _"...I am."_

Because Gray-sama has told him, Gray-sama is happy. Gray-sama told him he is happy with Juvia. Small simple words. But it is all that mattered to Natsu-san.

 _"Congratulation!"_

Natsu-san has back down.

He has given up.

But it was not for her.

It was never for her.

Juvia can never compete with a person that is willing to sacrifice everything for the man he loves when her own reason is so selfish.

Because above everything, _Natsu-san's ultimate wish is for Gray-sama's happiness_ , even at the cost of his own.

And then the sky weeps.


End file.
